Sunday, June 20, 2010

John Helm will choke you with his mind

Media profiles #1

John Helm, the crotchety old Brit you see on your left, is an ITV soccer football commentator who's been optioned out for International World Cup broadcasts. This means that Canadians get to listen to the guy on CBC.

Helm is a tad overweight, and to no means at the 'Eh' Factor do we intend to disparage the lifestyle choices of others, however, for the love of God, John, step away from the microphone when you need to take a patented heavy breath.

Click to listen

It's Darth Vadar-esque. "They lead three-nil" *SNOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRT*

This World Cup has had some strange moments, some odd sounds, but John Helm may have topped the vuvuzela in sheer annoyance. It can't be the South African heat, because it's winter down there. He sounds like he ate more at halftime than an Ivory Coast player has in his entire life, or he climbed the stairs to the broadcast booth.


  1. I think the sound is him sipping tea, to be quite honest. Oh, by the way, Helm is the old man on the left, and is by no means overweight.

  2. Errr the old man on the right... lol