We have four CFL games in the next three days, giving us plenty of time to drink beer and ask ourselves whether Chris Cuthbert's suits are getting smaller, or if he is growing a little bit around the waist.
Montreal Alouettes vs. Hamilton Tiger Cats - Today at 7:30
So it's come to this: the defending Grey Cup champions finally, finally get their home opener. They've compiled a 2-1 record (with the one loss not really counting as a loss if this is hockey) and Anthony Calvillo is at the top of his game.
It doesn't seem much can go against Montreal's favour right now. Except for my picking them to win this game. They're screwed.
Pick Montreal by 8.5. The Ti-Cats got rung up at Winnipeg's home opener for 49 points.
Toronto Argonauts vs. BC Lions - Friday at 7:30
The Braley Bowl! No matter what, Lions and Argonauts owner David Braley is guaranteed a loss. Casey Printers will carry the clipboard with Travis Lulay getting the start for BC. I'm not the biggest Printers fan around, but doing this after three games seems like a ridiculous knee-jerk reaction by Wally Buono and his cast of evangelicals. At least this will solve the mystery if the Lions' offense is built around throwing footballs into the groud in front of check receivers.
At least Senator (!) Braley has one good coach in this game. Jim Barker appears to have turned the Argonauts around (for now). This is a good matchup for the Lions right now, since all they can do is get it done on defense.
Give the points and take Toronto plus three at home, by virtue of the fact that no team should be able to score three points in this game. And watch out for leftover cougars from the Bon Jovi concert.
Winnipeg Blue Bombers vs. Edmonton Eskimos Saturday at 6:30
Without Buck Pierce, this COULD be a matchup of the two worst teams in the league. Steven Jyles, at no point throughout his career, has shown any ability to control an offense or do anything but take a knee at the end of quarters. Don't trust Winnipeg's defense. 10-38-29-36-28 are the point totals they've given up so far (including pre-season).
Edmonton are a team that can get dominated on the ground (been hit twice for 190 yards already in just three games) which opens up room for Fred Reid, who's surely the number one offensive weapon for Winnipeg.
Take Winnipeg and the three points, but bet the under on number of beer snakes in the crowd at CanadInns.
Calgary Stampeders vs. Saskatchewan Roughriders Saturday at 9:30
Saskatchewan lead the league in touchdowns divided by field goal attempts, a stat I made up last week to determine a team's offensive ability. The air attack is a big reason for that, but nobody in the league has more TDs on the ground that Wes Cates (at two. The bar is set really, really low for runners in this league)
I think it's because this team is fearless. Running reverses in your own endzone in fourth quarters shows how confident the coaches are in the players, or something. Not something we've seen out of Calgary just yet.
The over/under is 56, and you're out of your mind not to take it. [Monday headline: 'Luca Congi hits field goal to win tight 19-18 game']. The Riders lead the league in offense and have given up the second most points in the CFL. Calgary, are, well, Calgary, and in Week 4 last year they exploded for 48 points. This is definitely the most intriguing matchup on the schedule.
The Stamps are favoured by 2.5 in this game, which is curious since the Riders have looked unbeatable since the third quarter of their Week 1 game against Montreal. This means that Vegas knows something I don't. Take Calgary -2.5.
I'm going to spend this weekend inventing more statistics. Chime in with a comment if you think that there's a number that's worth looking into. I have all kinds of time on my hands.