Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Meet your Edmonton Oilers cheerleading squad

Tuesday, the Edmonton Oilers officially introduced the members of 'Oilers Octane', a collection of wonderfully backlit beautiful and exotic girls who will keep fans entertained throughout the game.

Despite the dissenting call for reason in this crazy, crazy world by Lisi Monro of Edmonton who said that "a cheer team would ruin the longtime traditional experience at Rexall, and the sight of scantily clad cheerleaders on the ice is not part of the hockey culture in Canada."

Oh, whatever.

Sure, cheerleaders are a silly gimmick, but the culture of the game has survived:

-The forward pass
-Indoor arenas
-American teams
-The goalie mask
-The instigator rule
-The Gretzky trade
-The trapezoid
-The shootout
-Linus Omark
-Constant reminders of 'the culture of the game' by media folk

If a terrible hockey team isn't enough to draw Edmonton fans away from the arena, a group of 19 hot girls sure as hell won't. While a cheer squad is just as silly and gimmicky as the Canucks' 40th anniversary crap that Canuck fans have had to endure all season, it doesn't detract from the on-ice product, which is hockey, which involves two teams of five-or-fewer players trying to shoot the puck past an alcoholic wearing couch cushions.

When an Edmonton man takes his 10-year old son to the game, the existence of cheerleaders isn't going to turn him off of hockey or make him not want to go skating on the pond with his friends.

My suggestion to Oilers fans, in the middle of losses, is to print out an 'Oilers Octane' roster sheet and play the dullest, most repetitive game of Guess Who ever.

Possible questions:

"Is your girl white?"
"Does your girl have big boobs?"
"Will your girl perpetuate the fall of old-time hockey culture in Edmonton, thus bringing us one step closer to Canadian decline?"

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